


Hiding Irv

by punky_96



Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-04
Updated: 2009-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:35:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25717390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punky_96/pseuds/punky_96
Summary: Re-post from LJ.  XV let me know that fics didn't make the transfer.  So I'm filling in the back of the file drawers with them...Summary:  Helping Miranda to hide Irv's body.The Dixie Chicks song, 'Goodbye Earl' helped to inspire this fic.Again, this is kind of dark humor and very much in keeping with the craziness that was YSOSRS.
Relationships: Miranda Priestly/Andrea Sachs
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Hiding Irv

**Title:** Hiding Irv

**Author:** punky_96

**Pairing:** Andy, Miranda, Irv, Roy

**Rating:** NC-17 ish

**Summary:** CRACK:Miranda has to pay a price for Andy’s help this time.

**Disclaimer:** at my LJ

_*After my fic “Of All the Things” I realized that I don’t think anyone actually wrote one where Andy helped Miranda hide Irv’s body, so I thought I’d ‘take a stab’ at it…_

_*Kinda based on the Dixie Chicks’ song “Goodbye Earl”_

**_Hiding Irv_ **

Andy thought she had the perfect evening.She had been let go at a reasonable time.She actually had something in mind for dinner and the energy to make it.She had a pleasant phone call from Lily and she had good news from Doug in California.She was feeling good and looking forward to relaxing in front of the television in her pajamas.It was a brief glimmer of happiness because as soon as she settled down her phone rang.It was a familiar tone, but and unexpected call.Andrea answered uncertainly, “Hello?”

“Andrea?”Andy couldn’t help the shiver that shot down her spine upon hearing Miranda’s voice caress her name.It was like some kind of Pavlovian response because she knew that nothing good could come of Miranda calling her name, but she couldn’t help her body’s reflexive response to it.

“Yes, uh, Miranda. What.What can I do now?”

“Do you still have your ugly clothes?”

Andy rolled her eyes.Of course Miranda would say that.Big sigh.“Yes.”

“Good and I’m sure you have some hiking boots or something equally awful?”

Andy couldn’t help growling in protest.“Miranda.I really think—”

“No, no.You misunderstand me.I need you to bring…Do you have a car?”Miranda cut her off clearly not interested in any ruffled feelings that she may have caused.

“No.”Andy said her brow furrowing.Miranda should know that she didn’t have a car.

“Call Roy and have him bring you a car.”

Despite her training Andy couldn’t help but squeal.“What?”

“Just tell him to take the subway back home and you’ll have the car at my townhouse in the morning for him to just go there.”

“What am I going to do with the car?”

Andy could hear Emily’s voice in her head,‘Don’t ask Miranda anything?’But seriously what the hell did Miranda want?She could just imagine the flesh-eating glare Miranda would be giving her right now if they had been face to face.

“When Roy brings you the car come to Runway.Bring a shovel, tarp, plastic garbage bags, bleach, rubber gloves, rope, and any other props from ‘Good Fellas’ that you can think of.”

Miranda hung up and Andy went through all that Miranda had assigned her in the last five minutes.Roy, car, send him away, Runway, shovel, tarp, etc.Oh and don’t forget the ugly clothes and hiking boots.

“Damn it, Miranda!You called me because I’m a crime against fashion and now you’re going to do away with me and ask me to bring you the tools to do it with.Un-fucking-believable.”

Andy began to get ready.It was her job after all and in this economy she freaking needed it, right up until she was dead.And she wasn’t dead yet so she had better do what Miranda asked of her. But if she was going to be murdered by La Priestly, then she was going to take her down.Andy wrote a quick note to leave behind just in case.

_“If you are reading this, then I have been declared missing or something and you’re in my apartment to investigate.In that case I’ll tell you that I am most likely dead and that my boss, Miranda Priestly, did it.She called me and asked me to wear my ‘ugly clothes’ and ‘hiking boots’ which is so unlike her.She’s the Empress of Fashion.And then she wanted me to take the driver’s car and meet her without the driver.At Runway.And she wanted me to bring:a shovel, tarp, plastic garbage bags, bleach, rubber gloves, rope, and any other props from ‘Good Fellas’ that I could think of.So I think she may have just had enough and has chosen to do away with me.I don’t think I’m the first victim by the way._

_Andy—Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at 1am”_

Andy put that note under a magnet on her fridge so that it would be easily found if her hunch proved to be correct.By the time she was done Roy texted her that he was downstairs.At first he didn’t want to let Andy take the car, but Andy had learned a few things from her boss over the course of her time at Runway—one of those things was her very own signature death glare.Her brown eyes shone black and hard and men especially wilted under its power.

When she arrived at Elias-Clark Andy texted Miranda.

“Irv’s office.”Was the response from Miranda.

Andy wasn’t sure what all to bring upstairs with her so she brought it all except the shovel.Surely she wouldn’t need that until later.As she held tightly to her various items and the floors ticked off Andy began to re-think her earlier theory that Miranda was going to kill her.Surely she wouldn’t do it at Runway and not in Irv’s office.Then Andy began to wonder why Miranda would be on a rampage.Andy mentally followed Miranda’s itinerary and moods through the day.When Andy had left Miranda seemed relatively peaceful and she was heading to a meeting.

A meeting with Irv this evening!Upstairs!

Yikes.Double Yikes.

This stuff wasn’t for her.Miranda wasn’t going to murder her.She had already done the crime—Andy was to help her clean it up.Miranda wanted Andy to help hide Irv’s body.

Yikes some more.

The elevator stopped and it was all Andy could do to not push the button for the ground floor and take the car to Canada to escape her fate for failing Miranda.Andy felt the lump form in her throat—she never wanted to fail Miranda. Her only joy since Nate left had been the few and far between times that Miranda had looked at her with satisfaction and a little something else.

Walking down the dark hallway to Irv’s office Andy contemplated just how far she was willing to go to please Miranda—just what she would need from Miranda in return.Her body told her that she would do anything, but her mind wasn’t sure about it.She didn’t want to fail Miranda, but she needed some kind of thank you or other sign of appreciation.In fact a simple thank you would have been sufficient in most other cases, but Andy realized in this case something much more than a thank you would be required.

Andy paused at the doorway of the office looking at Miranda standing at the window.She quickly looked at the floor, but saw no sign of Irv.Miranda looked over to her and her eyes were demanding and beseeching at the same time.

“Andrea.”

Andy swallowed as her body clenched at the sound of her name from Miranda’s lips.“If you want help hiding Irv’s body, then you need to fuck me senseless.Or you can fire me.”

Miranda blinked at her.A silence fell between them in the vast stretch of the dark office.Andy gulped as she realized what her body had allowed to fall out of her mouth.‘You never ask Miranda anything.’She heard again in her mind and added.‘And don’t demand sex either.’Andy clutched her items tight to her body waiting for Miranda.

Very calmly Miranda asked her.“Is that what you want?”

Andy nearly dropped all of her items as Miranda stalked closer to her.This question was more sexy than her name being caressed by Miranda’s lips because it held a glimmer of hope.A hope that Andy’s body desperately clung too, even though her mind had not even come to terms with actually knowing her desire.

“This goes beyond a simple ‘thank you,’ Miranda.”Andy admitted and looked down at the floor.

“And this is what you want?”Miranda cupped Andy’s cheek and lifted her face so that she could gaze into her eyes.“Of all the things you could ask for in this moment?”

“Yes.”Andy breathed out and trembled as she saw Miranda’s reaction to feeling her breath on her face.

“There is a body, Andrea.”Miranda said not dropping her hand and not breaking eye contact.Her body giving away that she wanted this as much as Andy did.

“Yes, but I may never get this chance again.”

“Oh, no, you’ll get this chance.Now that I know you want me.”

“At least a kiss then.”

“You’re insufferable.”Andy nodded not breaking her eye contact with Miranda.She suddenly felt powerful, desirable and sure of what she was willing to do.Miranda leaned forward and Andy met her halfway.Their lips met in a soft caress at first only to deepen when they both realized that this was what they wanted.Andy wished she could drop her items, but knew that dropping her supplies on Miranda’s feet would surely kill the moment.Andy moaned into Miranda’s lips and the vibrations caused Miranda to reach up and tangle her hands in Andy’s hair.Her tongue licked Andy’s upper lip asking for entrance and Andy’s tongue met hers hot with desire.

“Wow.”Andy pulled back and looked at Miranda where she saw an equal flame of desire shining in her eyes.

Miranda licked her lips in satisfaction.“We’ve got a body to hide then.”She announced in order to bring them both back to focus.

“And we’ll need to take out the security cameras.”Miranda smiled at Andy not hiding her pleasure for the first time since hiring her.She really was right to have taken the chance on her.And her hopes were not mislaid either.Once Andy had things figured out, she always had surpassed Miranda’s expectations, and tonight in this dire situation Andy once again surpassed her expectations.They set about the task of cleaning the crime scene, hiding Irv’s body and making their get-away.

***

Satisfied with a job well done Miranda invited Andy up when they returned to the townhouse.Andy was uncertain now that they had returned to the town house and the seriousness of the moment had settled in on her.She found herself alone in Miranda’s townhouse with the definite knowledge that if she so desired it—Miranda was capable of murder.The door shut behind her with a deafening click and Miranda turned on Andy looking her up and down.Andy suddenly wanted to take the care and head toward Canada again.

When Miranda took the three steps back to her Andy stopped breathing and stepped back until she was against the door.Her eyes were wide as she watched Miranda who had the sleek lines of a jaguar stalking its prey and the focus in her eyes of the same jaguar focused on the kill.Miranda cupped her cheek never breaking eye contact and not allowing Andrea an escape.She couldn’t look away and she couldn’t step free either.Miranda closed the distance between their bodies and Andy shivered although the heat from Miranda’s body was intense against her.“These clothes have to go.”She said in a low voice that made Andy moan.

Miranda stripped Andy down even unlacing her hiking boots.Andy giggled to look down and see Miranda treating her boots like Prada.She laughed right up until Miranda pinned her to the wall with a look and teased her there without the possibility of a real kiss or getting anywhere near the real relief Andy desperately needed by now.Andy stripped now—stood in uncertainty.She wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen at this point.Was Miranda simply paying Andy’s price?But the kiss they had shared was so marvelous, it couldn’t have only been Andy feeling something special, could it?But Miranda had said she’d get this chance, especially now that she knew Andy wanted her.That had to mean that she had a vested interest as well, right?

Andy bit her lip and suddenly re-focused her eyes on Miranda.She waited for her displeasure as she had realized that she had gone on a mini-trip in her mind, and Miranda would have no time for that.

‘Shit!’Andy thought as she looked at Miranda who was stripped down to her lingerie as well.‘I missed it!’Andy had been spaced out overwhelmed with all the possibilities of the evening.She had not realized that Miranda had pulled away from her only to strip herself down as well.Miranda stood amused watching as Andy focused on her and finally took in the implications of the details that she was seeing.

“We’ll have to destroy those as well, you know.”Miranda smiled at her like the big cat that she was and Andy shivered accordingly.Miranda pointed at her bra and panties.“Do you want to or shall I?”

Andy quickly shed herself of bra and panties and handed them to Miranda.She wanted to say something, anything really, but her normal gift for gab seemed to have evaporated now that she was so close to her dream goal.Miranda took her undergarments and pointed imperiously up the stairs.

“Use the master bath shower upstairs on the third floor, end of the hall.”Andy scurried up the stairs without asking any questions.Her mind was beginning to unravel the evening as she stood under that water, but before she could think enough to work herself into a confused frenzy that shower door opened and Miranda’s naked body joined her own.“The clothes are in the fire.Now we can just enjoy each other.”

Andy nearly collapsed as Miranda wrapped her arms around her and claimed her mouth with a passion filled kiss that built to so much more.

**—The End**

***

During the credits you see pictures of the aftermath and get details…

No one missed Irv…

Miranda was chosen as Irv’s replacement on the board thus solidifying her position within Runway and claiming larger territory within Elias-Clark.

Nigel became Editor-In-Chief of the new and exciting Men’s Runway.

Emily established her own fashion house and was featured in Runway several times.

Andy’s request to be fucked senseless lead to a passion-filled romance, marriage, and kids with Miranda.

Andy Priestly also won the Pulitzer prize for her book High Fashion, High Crimes.

**—The End of the End**

AND THE VIDEO…

Daffy Duck loses it

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfX08j69oZI>


End file.
